What About The Children?


There is no question that the most difficult, painful, and emotional part of a separation or divorce is the children. In New York, the most disputed aspect in divorce negotiations is child custody and visitation and child support. It is inevitable in a divorce that the children will be affected by emotional fall-out: seeing their parents separating and not knowing where they will live or with whom. Their whole lives are changing and they seldom understand why.

Risks for children as a result of a divorce

As a result of a divorce, children can be increasingly at risk for developing a variety of problems. These problems are likely to have started because of tensions in the family even before the divorce process actually commenced. If the parents were experiencing emotional dislocation such as depression or anger because of evolving alienation, this might result in them paying less attention to the children or passing explosive behavior on to the kids. In cases of the latter where a marriage was generally characterized by high-conflict on a regular basis, children are often shown to do better after a divorce because the conflict around them starts to abate. However when a marriage was generally tranquil, the children will do less well as a result of a divorce. It is important that the adults understand these dynamics and take steps to militate against the divorce creating more emotional fracturing among the children.

Sensitivity needed by parents

It is vital that both parents be hyper sensitive to all of their children’s needs during the separation or divorce process. Together and separately, the parents need to help the children comprehend that they are loved and that the parents are working together to create a good and safe life for the children even if the parents are living apart.

Child custody and visitation matters in New York are decided by the court based on what is believed to be in the best interest of the children. If the issues of custody and visitation are contested by the parents, the court may appoint an attorney for the children who investigates and makes recommendations to the court. There is a long list of determining factors that the courts take into account in awarding child custody. Not only the parents, but also grandparents can be involved in these disputes.

childrenDivorce mediation better for the children

It is possible that divorce mediation may be possible as an amicable means of settling a case. Through mediation, the parents work together with a mediator to attain agreements on legal matters including child custody and visitation and child support. This means of settlement can be much more positive for children who will witness their parents working together cooperatively, even if they can no longer live together. In this case it is important to get the services of a mediator who is experienced in all areas of matrimonial disputes involving children. Ingrid Gherman is a Certified Divorce Mediator in New York State who also has a vast bank of experience in all family law matters involving children.

An attorney who can help

In general the area of a divorce or separation concerning children and minors requires extreme delicacy and sharp awareness of the legal complexities. Divorce and child custody attorney Ingrid Gherman is experienced to handle both matters. She cares greatly about the affect of the process and the outcome of the children in the cases that she is handling. Call Ingrid Gherman’s law office to schedule a consultation with her: (212) 941-0767 or fill out the on-line form.